Ok so I have just got worse and worse in keeping in touch despite my new years goals!! Part of the reason has been a few technical issues (praying for a new laptop!!) and the other part of it is thinking of what to write! I really cannot believe how quickly this year is going and I appear to have done so little! I guess what I mean is in terms of the Project I am trying to develop, every door I push seems to stay firmly closed, all the big hopes and dreams I had when I arrived back from the UK in February have been popped and I have been left feeling discouraged and frustrated. However, that discouragement and frustration has led me to cry out to God and ask him WHATS GOING ON!!!! and He was like "Right now I have your attention!"
It is so easy, for me at least, to focus so much in your own plans, strategies and ideas that you can forget who is in charge, for all of my calling it "My" project, it isn't mine at all, it is HIS, I kinda let that get confused! recently I have felt God telling me to
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3: 5-6
And
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
Anyone who knows me will know I am not really a "be still" kind of person! I remember at the beginning of this adventure of actually practically starting something towards this ministry, that at some point God would tell me to "pray" to build that foundation of prayer that supports every work of His and is an integral part of all of those autobiographies of missionaries and pioneers! and that filled me with dread! The idea of getting up early and praying for 4 hours still makes me shudder!! even the idea of a nice 4 hours on a Wednesday afternoon is freaking me out, but I know that if this ministry is to be truly effective for Him then it needs to be based in Him and His plans not my understanding or research.
Some people, especially fellow missionaries may be surprised by this confession, not the content but the publicness (ok I made that word up!) of it, as missionaries you are not supposed to admit you have trouble praying or spending time with God, but hey, I have always been honest with you guys and that is how I want to stay. So, although I sometimes think that those of you who have been so kind to support me over the years will be thinking "what exactly is she doing out there," and so it is embarrassing to admit that, well not much actually if you are talking practically, spiritually I am preparing the fields, or trying to at least, and learning that you cant even sow the seeds until the ploughing is done.
So please pray for me as I pray for guidance and HIS strategies and plans, pray that I can remain focused with my eye on the Lord and not on my own understanding, and pray against the frustrations that I am feeling right now.
In the meantime the work at El Refugio continues as ever, it occurred to me the other day that this is the longest I have ever been in the same job for!! I am also the longest serving member of the team (other than the leaders of course) With the way missions works I wonder if I am the longest serving team member ever?! must ask Rossy!
Thanks for all your patience and Love
(oh and if you want to send me a package in the next week or so email me or message me for the address in New York where I will be staying between the 16th and 20th August!)
God Bless
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